How many kids grow up fantasizing about getting married and living happily ever after? How many adults are disappointed when their relationships do not meet their fantastical expectations? Probably more than we would all care to admit. The good news is that there is an answer. You just have to know the secret to having that perfect relationship.
Are you ready? Are you sure? Okay then, here it is: the secret to having a perfect relationship is accepting the fact that it doesn’t exist.
Sorry to drop the shoe in such a brutal way. However, the truth is necessary if you are ever going to build those strong, healthy relationships that you want and deserve. Strong and healthy relationships are both real and possible. Perfect relationships are not. Striving for perfection is a fool’s errand and a fast track to a broken heart.
Human Beings Are Flawed
Human beings are flawed features. No one is perfect. That being the case, how can you build a perfect relationship between two imperfect people? You cannot. No matter how hard you try, your relationships are never going to look like what you see in those prince and princess movies your kids watch. And by the way, we can take this one step further.
Your home will never consistently look like those magazine pictures unless you abandon everything else in your life. Your kids are not always going to be gathered around you in their Sunday best, smiling ear to ear. Those pictures you see in parenting magazines are staged.
Now, do not be discouraged by all this. Being imperfect is okay. In fact, there is a lot of joy to be found in our imperfections. Being imperfect gives us challenges to overcome. It gives us a purpose for trying to do better. It gives us things to laugh about and cry about. It’s all good.
Reasonable Expectations Win the Day
Knowing that perfect people and relationships do not exist, you now have a choice to make. You can continue down the path of heartbreak or you can build strong, healthy relationships based on reasonable expectations. According to the relationship counselors at Relationships & More in Rye, NY, reasonable expectations always win the day.
It is reasonable to expect that you and your spouse will enjoy good communication most of the time. It is unreasonable to expect that you will never disagree or argue. It is reasonable to expect that you and your spouse will enjoy a healthy sex life. It is unreasonable to expect your sex life to resemble Hollywood films.
Whatever expectations you have for your relationships should line up with reality. This is not to say you should lower your expectations in order to accommodate complacency. In fact, complacency can kill relationships quite quickly. Rather, the point of having realistic expectations is to embrace the fact that your relationships will be imperfect – and that’s okay.
There Is No Right Person
If you are experiencing unmet romantic expectations, perhaps it’s because you feel you did not hook up with the right person. Well, another shoe is waiting to be dropped. Here it is: there is no one, single person who is right for you. There are people with whom you are more compatible but, within that group, there are plenty of choices. Assuming your relationship isn’t perfect because you didn’t find Mr. or Mrs. Right is neither reality nor productive.
The secret to that perfect relationship is embracing the fact that it does not exist. When you can get past that, you’re in a good position to build the strong, healthy relationship you want.